Posts Tagged ‘WA Today’
The West Coast Eagles’ mascot, a live fucking animal, flew away from Subiaco Oval today. Before being captured, it took a stop at the City West dome (BTW, why isn’t that a Worst yet?) and was later attacked by crows. Coincidentally, the Adelaide Crows “murdered” the Eagles in the footy last weekend.
In other news, DAD PUNS ARE OFF THE CHART TODAY, MAKE IT STOP, GOD WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE MAKE IT STOP:
Nine news went pretty hard (you’ll have to watch the vid at PerthNow, soz):
The wedgetail took off – LITERALLY…
Problem was, Auzzie had flown the coop…
Attracting a crowd of angry crows and magpies…
This eagle finally landed…
Despite an injury scare Auzzie will line up for the eagles tomorrow night…
AdelaideNow got a gloat in:
A MURDER of crows cornered fugitive West Coast mascot Auzzie the eagle when she winged it from a club training session in Perth yesterday.
But WA Today soared above the rest:
Eagle Mascot Back After Flight of fancy
Auzzie the Eagle… Flying high around the streets of Perth today.
…flying the coop…
Perhaps he was getting tips from the bigger birds about what it takes to play finals footy after a few years in the AFL wilderness?
Maybe there was some crowing going on about West Coast’s loss last week to Adelaide?
Whatever the conversation, it was creating much crowing among the Perth media, who dropped everything to race to City West to witness the ‘event’…
“Crowing” in this context is a standard Dad pun. But “the conversation was creating crowing” throws Dad alliteration into the mix. Dadtastic.
Later in the piece, WA Today devolves into stream of consciousness verse poetry from a coked-up Monika Kos mode:
The idea to bring Auzzie’s familiar gameday perch – and oversized red Sherrin – bore fruit, and woman and bird were reunited on Zempilas Street – perhaps a good omen for namesake and Perth sports guru Basil, who takes a flight of his own on Saturday for his wedding in Greece.
Anyone who can decipher the opening paragraph of this story on WA Today in less than 3 reads gets a gold star:
Three warnings in five minutes see boner sacked
August 26, 2009 – 6:39AM
A gun Lenard’s Chicken boner fired after receiving three warnings in five minutes has been awarded more than $11,000 in unfair dismissal compensation.
What! Patti Chong is calling it quits over at The Verdict, her blog at WA Today. For realsies!
In true Chongstyle, her farewell post is a self indulgent essay packed with swipes at her detractors.
She starts off by quoting at length a sycophantic email from… some Notre Dame law student called Clarence?
…I am a university student at the University of Notre Dame in Fremantle. Throughout my course, I have noticed many issues in our legal and political system, which seems quite unjust and rigid…
I would just like to say that the things you have achieved and have fought for are indeed amazing. You have inspired me to tackle situations where the legislation appears unjust. As a Notre Dame law student, social justice has always been a common theme throughout my time at university. It may not count for much but I just want to congratulate you on your philanthropy and kind-heartedness throughout the legal and social realm (especially on Nova radio!). It may not seem like it, but you are indeed an inspiration to many law students.
Blerg. Give it a rest, “Clarence Paul”. There’s less humiliating ways to find a job. Honest.
Of course, Patti’s extended whinge about her meanie-pants critics is the real gold:
While I did not expect all readers to agree with my views or support the issues which are most passionate to me, I did not expect the vitriol and vilification from some of my detractors.
Issues can be passionate now? She goes on:
Some of the attacks on me personally, remarks about my children and my estranged husband were uncalled for, unjustified and bordered on the extreme.
While we’re on the subject of “bordering on the extreme”:
In my years of prosecuting some of the more notorious and not so notorious criminal elements of our community, they seem to be more balanced and displayed more redeeming features than some of the people who have posted comments.
I bet this one is for Skink, who’s been irritating Patti like a bad case of the crabs for yonks now. But, that aside, Lots Of Love for this! Internet commentors are the worst! They have less redeeming features than the notorious criminal elements of our community. You know, like people who abuse children.
It’s not all just a big whinge, though. Patti has some well-worn advice for the haters:
My beloved mother used to tell me that if we have nothing positive to say about anybody or anything, then silence is golden.
And from mixed metaphors to Shakespeare:
If I am able to inspire just one person or change something positively by my pieces, then I suppose it has been worthwhile to have suffered the slings and arrows.
That’s a motiviational poster, right there:
Patti Chong’s blog continues to prove what everyone already knew: this woman is a strange fig.
In her latest The Verdict post, Patti again falls back on what’s fast emerging as her favourite rhetorical device: “Won’t somebody please think of the children”. To wit, her opening paragraph quotes Helen Lovejoy Dietrich Bonhoffer:
The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.
She goes on:
There is nothing more heartbreaking than prosecuting or defending child sex abuse cases which gives the fallacy to the above saying.
The expression she’s looking for is “gives the lie” (224,000 hits on Google), not “gives the fallacy” (7 hits). And she doesn’t even mean what she writes. Patti is trying to say that child sex abuse cases prove that our society has failed the test of morality set down by Bonhoffer. But what she actually says is that child sex abuse cases prove that Bonhoffer’s statement is false.
It’s amazing that Patti Chong gets away with muddy thought and expression like this. The woman is a famous LAWYER. Logic and communication is supposed to be her game, but she doesn’t seem to get it. Her very next paragrapher is a logic-clanger that a first year philosophy undergrad would spot from a mile off:
If the test of the morality of our society is what it does for our children, then we must be living in a decaying society or one that is lacking in any moral values.
Even assuming that Bonhoffer’s test is true, Patti’s argument here goes something like this:
I have seen a lot of child sex abuse cases. Therefore, society accepts child sex abuse.
I called Patti out in a comment on her blog:
Patti, by the nature of your job you are exposed to allegations of this sort on a magnitude that most other people are not. How does it follow that “we must be living in a decaying society or one that is lacking in any moral values”?
Come on. If our society had no moral values, we wouldn’t prosecute these people at all. That statement is either shady inductive logic, or hyperbole. So which is it?
Of course, Patti responded with an absolute corker:
what I meant about ‘ living in a decaying society or one that is lacking in moral values’ is a reference to the proliferation of alleged perpetrators.Why are there so many people who think it is alright to sexually abuse children?
Child sex cases are so common that no member of the public is ever in court to see how such cases are tried. It is embarrassing and people like to sweep it under the carpet and pretend it does not happen.
She should have answered with a simple “Dick, it was shady inductive logic”, because she pulls some shockers in her answer by baselessly claiming that:
- there has been a “proliferation” of perpetrators (a subsequent commenter named Harold thoroughly puts the lie to that by pointing out that the number of cases has been steady for the past decade);
- a lot of people think it is “alright to sexually abuse children” (Sure they do, Patti); and
- child sex cases don’t get public attention, and in fact people like to pretend that it does not happen(!).
And look who it is!
Shut up, Patti.
WA Today yesterday, you guys:
Um, failURE? Internet memes: You’re doing them wrong.
WA Today’s initial coverage of the Ronald Mitchell story, in which a man burst into flames after he was shot in the face by a taser, was the most reasonable of Perth’s three news web sites. By quoting the WA Aboriginal Legal Service (albeit at the end of the article), WA Today didn’t quite swallow the cops’ story as eagerly as PerthNow and thewest.com.au.
Never fear though, WA Today have finally lived up to their commentors’ expectations and scraped some anonymous quotes from the bottom of the source-barrel to create a story so shockingly irrelevant it makes The Daily Mail look contentious:
A volunteer ambulance officer who has treated a violent drunk after he was Tasered has backed the weapons.
The officer – who wanted to remain anonymous – arrived at a job to treat a man who was “lying flat on his back” after he was Tasered for swinging around an axe handle.
He spoke out in support of Tasers despite police launching an internal investigation into whether a Taser strike set fire to a 36-year-old man at a remote Indigenous community in the state’s north.
So basically, this guy is an expert in tasers because one time he gave first aid to a guy who was tasered.
And he wanted to remain anonymous because what now? Making these kind of comments might be ill-advised and unnecessary, but it isn’t personally dangerous or career-limiting.
Later we learn that part-time Ambo is also a Justice of the Peace (which I guess makes him an expert in justice and peace as well as tasers) and so he has nothing but praise for police because he has only come across one policeman who didn’t impress him in his WHOLE LIFE (he’s been an ambulance officer for 5 years, so he’s at least 23).
What a fatheaded prick. But I’m almost willing to forgive him. For a bloke who’s publically, anonymously ranted about a topic he’s had one tiny bit of contact with, you have to love the brazenness of this comment:
People who are ranting and raving either have had one bad experience (with police) and based their whole opinion on that or don’t know what they’re talking about.
In Dullsville news, the Town of Vincent wants nightlife to Shut The Fuck Up, punk.
There’s a good piece on WA Today from Chris Thomson, some guy who’s apparently had a lot of contact with local councils and hates them accordingly. Highlights:
I observed with horror as a Mt Hawthorn pensioner was forced to open his home to council officials who had accused him of fertilising his cottage garden with his own poo. The local bureaucrats found no evidence of this, nor of any health breaches at the home, but the offensive allegation was minuted for all the world to see…
Earlier this year, the ‘City’ of Subiaco tried to ban a group of young blokes from playing ping pong in the privacy of their own home…
[The real question is] what is the best size of councils to get them out of our nightspots, away from our ping pong tables and off our backs?
He also points out that the Libs appear to be backing away from their threat to force councils to amalgamate. You can’t put Dullsville in a corner.