The Dullsvillain

Slinging mud at the media of Dullsville (aka Perth, Western Australia)

Posts Tagged ‘perth

Think there’s something to do in Perth?

with 5 comments

Those happenin’ cats at PerthNow have assembled all of the evidence that Perth isn’t a boring, atavistic hellhole:

Think there’s nothing to do in Perth?

FOR all those that call Perth ‘Dullsville’, maybe you’re just not aware of all the events happening around the city.

Maybe you’re just not aware of all of the events, but PerthNow is aware of all the events! What follows is an extensive list of all them. There’s so much happening, folks! I couldn’t assemble the whole list here, because it goes on 4 EVA, but here’s a taste:

Tuesday, In One Act

Until Sat 5 Sep, The Blue Room Studio, 8.30pm

This intimate, absurdist play takes you to a world where astronauts carry briefcases and cowboys feed pigeons. A delicate flux between poetry, satire and unpretentious honesty.

A world where cowboys feed pigeons? Get right outta town!

Spring Friday Night Shopping at Harbour Town

Fri 4, 11, 18 & 25 Sep, Harbour Town, 6pm to 9pm

Shop for your spring essentials at over 100 brand direct outlets while soaking up the sounds of jazz trios, contemporary crooners and the cool sounds of the calypso cats.

Factory direct Elwood t-shirts and jazz. A match made in Huhvean.

Catholic Arts Carnevale

Wed 9 Sep, Forrest Place, 9am

See a showcase of talent from Catholic primary and secondary schools. Activities include interactive displays, music and dance performances.

BYO condoms.

When I Grow Up

Sun 6 Sep, Fashion Central, Forrest Place, 10am

Celebrate Father’s Day with your dad at Perth Fashion Central as gorgeous kids and their fashionable dads model the latest collections from Forrest Chase retailers.

Replace the word “gorgeous” with “spoilt” and the word “fashionable” with “emasculated”. Oh, and the word “model” with “whore”.

After this “event”, shit somehow gets even duller: Read the rest of this entry »


Written by Dick

September 6, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Dullsville wins again, Pt. II

with one comment

Sigh. We’ve only been chronicling Dullsville for a short 3 months here at The Dullsvillain, and in that time we’ve seen a thick, gray coat of paint applied to the two cornerstones of Perth dullness: daylight saving and, now, extended shopping hours.

The extended shopping hours “debate” is in one way closely analogous to the stateside argument about public health care. In America, there’s a fierce debate about whether the government should provide basic health care to its citizens.  In Perth, there’s a fierce debate about whether shops should be allowed to open past 5pm.  In the rest of the civilised world, they’re laughing at both of us.

There’s a few prominent villains who’ve emerged from this debacle.  First and foremost, of course, the spineless WA Labor party, who went to the last election touting extended shopping hours. No more. Nuts to all of the people who voted for them on that basis, they’ve conducted straw polls at supermarkets and discovered that there’s a real groundswell of self-interested, reactionary fucks in the Perth suburbs (per Eric Ripper):

We went out there, we spoke to people and we found small businesses almost universally opposed to it (extended trading hours), and we found only lukewarm support, at best 50 per cent among customers.

Of course, if they’d turned up to a few offices or factories, the results might have been different. But I don’t want to say too much about public support or opposition for the concept. As much as Labor and the interest groups are pushing the 2005 referendum defeat as a good basis for their opposition, anyone who knows anything about referendums knows they’re worth shit.  The Federal government has held 44 referendums and 36 have ended in “No” votes. That’s because people vote no – people who don’t give a shit, people who don’t trust politicians, undecided people, people pissed off they’ve been forced to vote, old people. Naysayers.

John Howard knew instinctively that referendums are a highly effective way to kill progress, and happily watched the chances for an Australian Republic burn.

The other big villain is Independent Grocers Association president John Cummings:

I don’t think Coles, Woolworths or the Chamber of Commerce and Industry will ever pack up and go home and interestingly with all of the surveys that they have done that supposedly shows that people want change, it’s strange that they’ve never actually called for a referendum.

The reason they’ve never called for another referendum is because they know it would be lost.

Yes, because the game is rigged, and you know it, Cummings.  Worse:

It’s good that a party has gone out and found out what its constituents wants…

The change to 9pm was a proposal the consumers didn’t need and that retailers didn’t want.

The consumers don’t need it and the retailers don’t want it, right?  On that logic, why does the government even bother to regulate and police shopping hours? If we deregulate we’ll save precious taxpayer dollars and, on Cummings’ logic, the shops still won’t open. Everyone wins.

Especially Cummings, who owns three IGAs. That’s right. The same bloke who is having public conniptions about the possibility of extended shopping hours and Coles and Woolworths’ duopoly status earns a mint by exploiting one of the best monopolist scams in WA by opening his IGAs into the night, long after his competitors are forced to close. Credibility FAIL. But really, he’s the perfect public face of the doggedly self-interested Independent Grocers Association, who actually profit from the pain of consumers. Say what you will about Monarchists, but at least they don’t have a profit motive behind their backward ideology.

John Cummings, you, sir, are a DullsVillain:


Written by Dick

August 20, 2009 at 12:03 am

Some stories are not worth stealing

with 3 comments

Since the last update, Chinese Times actually at last mention of 1989 6/4 Massacre…only in the print edition, first thing, and actually this was just the popular article already publish in many places online, “The American Elements of the 6/4 Incident“. (This article talks about how the 1989 protesters studied America Revolution too much, instead should have studied Britain, the incremental change, and so the protest would not happen. This argument is okay, but no reason to fail to commemorate the deaths of many hundreds of civilian people.)

Probably they don’t add that article to the website because some Angry online Chinese from elsewhere will point out they stole the article.

BUT stealing articles from Perthnow is apparently no problem… just yesterday I did the translation of this story below, afterwards then went to look if Perthnow, or WA Today or the West runs the story, found WA Today and Perthnow did indeed. But as I am reading the Perthnow report, I start to feel like “deja vu”, give me an idea. Let’s just look at the Chinese Times “This paper” reporting, compare to the Perthnow reporting:

Chinese TImes Perthnow
[This paper’s reporting] By Narelle Towie, science and environment reporter
A widely popular restaurant in Swan Valley was recently fined, the reason was officially announced that the kitchen was not hygeinic, and inside the place harmful insects rampage. A POPULAR Swan Valley restaurant has been fined after officials declared the kitchen was unhygienic and vermin roamed the property
The Swan Valley’s Oasis Restaurant, and its feasting center, been publicly named on the Health Department web site, and aside from $8750 fines also paid $1571 costs. The Swan Valley Oasis Restaurant and Function Centre has been named and shamed on the Department of Health’s website and fined $8750 plus $1571 costs.
Jordazz Ltd’s infringement list included: failure to maintain eating place’s cleanliness and hygeine conditions, failure to eliminate harmful insects, and also falure to ensure all foodstuffs get enough protection from pollution. Included in a list of offences committed by Jordazz Pty Ltd was a failure to maintain the food premises in a clean and sanitary condition, failure to maintain the premises free from vermin and failing to ensure that all food was adequately protected from contamination.
On February 2 this year, the Health Department officials checking discovered the infringement phenomenon. The offences occurred on February 2 this year when the restaurant was inspected by Health Department officers.
This restaurant, which located at 250 West Swan Road, Henley Brook and holds the wedding receptions and social gatherings, was accused and convicted last week. The restaurant, which hosts weddings and function at 250 West Swan Road in Henley Brook, was convicted of the charges this week.
This restaurant provides breakfast, lunch and dinner, 7-days-a-week. It serves breakfast, lunch and dinner seven days a week.
Last year Western Australia had 18 food sales shops publicly named on the website and receive criticism, because they violated health regulations. Last year 18 WA food outlets were publicly named and shamed in an on-line list for breaching health regulations in 2008.

Well, I can understand them not wanting to add Narelle Towie’s name. They don’t want people to know they not only copy the news, they copy from UNRELIABLE sources!

Of course, also revealed my low translation level – kind of like translate with Google. Actually I like the Google translate (English-Chinese-English) of the lead par much better:

Swan Valley a popular restaurant has been fined after officials announced that the kitchen is unsanitary and vermin-infested property.

I think the only advantage my translation has is “rampage”. This word should always be used

But seriously, “This newspaper’s reporting” at the top, is simply the FAKE statement. The source is Perthnow none other than Narelle Towie. Chinese Times must admit this!

Written by Zhu Hongbing

June 23, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Western Suburbs Hero

with 2 comments

You might remember me calling for some Peppermint Grove Shire blood a couple of weeks ago. Well, my wish has come true.  In a big, big way. This guy is wanted for a $500 000 theft (repossession) of jewellery from a Peppermint Grove mansion. He is my new hero.

WANTED: For having extremely large balls

WANTED: For having extremely large balls

 Here’s what Perthnow had to say about it: 

“POLICE have identified a man they want to speak to over a $500,000 jewllery heist in Peppermint Grove last week.

They are appealing for Andre Kerhart, 29, to contact western suburbs detectives.

Police say Mr Kerhart, who is driving a black Mitsubishi 380, may be able to help with their investigation.

A large amount of jewellery was taken from a View St property at about noon on June 11.

A 69-year-old woman returned to her house to discover a man dressed like a tradesman leaving the property.


Was he dressed like this? That ain't no tradesman lady, that's called a repo man.

She chased the man to his car, believed to be a Toyota Aurion sedan, across the street and, with help from two other residents, tried to stop him starting his vehicle.

Det Snr Constable Ryan Goard said the offender was able to fend off the three people and accelerated away, nudging a parked car along the way.

The man is understood to have headed in the direction of Mosman Park after fleeing the scene.

The rear number plate had been removed during the incident and the front plate was taped over.

This was just laying around in the top draw? Goodbye family jewels. hahahaha!

This was just laying around in the top draw? Goodbye family jewels! hahahaha!

Det Snr Constable Goard said the offender has stolen about $500,000 worth of jewellery from the upstairs bedroom of the woman’s home”.
Robbery in the Shire: "Gimmee that ring, bitch"

Robbery in the Shire: "Gimmee that ring, bitch"

It might be pissing down outside, but my heart is full of sunshine.

Like the ol’ saying goes; when it rains, it pours.

Written by Uncle Mac

June 20, 2009 at 6:16 pm