The Dullsvillain

Slinging mud at the media of Dullsville (aka Perth, Western Australia)

Posts Tagged ‘AFL

[Insert pun here]

with 3 comments

The West Coast Eagles’ mascot, a live fucking animal, flew away from Subiaco Oval today. Before being captured, it took a stop at the City West dome (BTW, why isn’t that a Worst yet?) and was later attacked by crows. Coincidentally, the Adelaide Crows “murdered” the Eagles in the footy last weekend.

In other news, DAD PUNS ARE OFF THE CHART TODAY, MAKE IT STOP, GOD WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE MAKE IT STOP:

Nine news went pretty hard (you’ll have to watch the vid at PerthNow, soz):

The wedgetail took off – LITERALLY

Problem was, Auzzie had flown the coop…

Sightseeing flight…

Attracting a crowd of angry crows and magpies…

This eagle finally landed…

Despite an injury scare Auzzie will line up for the eagles tomorrow night…

AdelaideNow got a gloat in:

A MURDER of crows cornered fugitive West Coast mascot Auzzie the eagle when she winged it from a club training session in Perth yesterday.

But WA Today soared above the rest:

Eagle Mascot Back After Flight of fancy

Auzzie the Eagle… Flying high around the streets of Perth today.

…flying the coop…

Perhaps he was getting tips from the bigger birds about what it takes to play finals footy after a few years in the AFL wilderness?

Maybe there was some crowing going on about West Coast’s loss last week to Adelaide?

Whatever the conversation, it was creating much crowing among the Perth media, who dropped everything to race to City West to witness the ‘event’…

“Crowing” in this context is a standard Dad pun. But “the conversation was creating crowing” throws Dad alliteration into the mix. Dadtastic.

Later in the piece, WA Today devolves into stream of consciousness verse poetry from a coked-up Monika Kos mode:

The idea to bring Auzzie’s familiar gameday perch – and oversized red Sherrin – bore fruit, and woman and bird were reunited on Zempilas Street – perhaps a good omen for namesake and Perth sports guru Basil, who takes a flight of his own on Saturday for his wedding in Greece.

O…

K…

Written by Dick

August 27, 2009 at 10:49 pm

An Open Letter to Channel Ten and the producers of “Before the Game”

with 2 comments

Dear Channel Ten and the producers of Before the Game,

Settling down in front of the TV for the Eagles last night, I tuned in to the best footy show on the box: Before the Game. Good job on that show! Unlike other footy shows, it isn’t self serious and doesn’t rely on fabricated controversy or inflated egos. It’s funny, and full of exuberance for AFL footy. Last night’s 30 minute episode was no exception. Kevin Rudd receiving “Tool of the Week” for handballing like a girl and calling himself “The Ruddster” was a highlight.

Just one thing. At the end of the show, as the credits rolled, host Andrew Maher yelled out the result of the Eagles v North Melbourne match, which had just finished at Subiaco. Great! Everyone loves live results. Everyone, that is, except for a few hundred thousand Perth viewers, who were waiting for the delayed telecast of the match and had scrupulously avoided finding out the score in order to keep it interesting.

I was one of those Perth viewers. Like so many other Eagles’ supporters, I naively enjoyed last night’s Before the Game with my glass of Chardonnay and looked forward to another promising performance from the Eagles’ youngsters. That is, before Maher exploded my bubble by shouting “West Coast by 38 points over North Melbourne” seconds before the telecast started. I can only liken the psychological impact of Maher’s betrayal to the traumatic realisation, at the tender age of 5, that there was no Father Christmas. I felt robbed, deceived, and powerless.

So thanks for killing the potential for any excitement in what turned out to be a thoroughly boring match.

Look, I don’t have a PhD in live television. But I do remember an old trick Channel 7 used to great effect.  It went something like: “If you don’t want to know the scores, look away now”. It was crude – but undeniably effective. Maybe you guys have a more sophisticated way to prevent such monumental cock ups. I don’t know. All I know is that Father Christmas isn’t visiting on December 25, or ever again.

Accordingly, I write to implore that Maher and the autocue operator responsible for this outrage be dubbed the round 21 Tools of the Week.

I look forward to your reply.

Yrs.

Dick

Jak Attak!

with 3 comments

Many times, the AFL football just find big boring. But never, never when the fountain of knowledge in flowing from the mouth of GLEN JAKOVICH!

The Sultan of Subiaco, the Sheik of Spearwood, [ed: formerly King of Klaremont] “Jako” surely is the worst commentator person in all of Australia. He speaks English worse than “this Chinaman”.

And here I present the evidence from Sunday Eagles game on Channel 7 TV. Actually I only switch on the recorder in the second half. Yet still, so many great bits i can’t even include them all. Jako is very Dullsville-special. So think a guy in Victoria sits in a room beeping out all these comments from the Victoria broadcast. So I put this in the “Perth Media Shame” category already, as definitely no-one outside Dullsville would tolerate this low standards of “Special Comments”. But maybe Jako Attako could become a new category, every weeks?

Let us try the “highlights reel” first, then maybe analyze, one by one.

Read the rest of this entry »

Demetriou talking strange

with one comment

In this article yesterday I was struck by how much Demetriou was talking like a politician. Going on and on about jobs. It was weird.

“When you split up the club-related jobs at an average of 100 [per club], that’s 1600 jobs at AFL clubs. Add all the other jobs that are involved in football, we employ directly or indirectly about 13,500 people.

“So we take that responsibility very seriously. [We’re] creating jobs, we’ve got $140 million worth of infrastructure being built at the moment … there’s more jobs with building going on.

“All the clubs are out there doing their bit.”

Now today this:

THE FEDERAL Government will contribute $36 million to redevelop Gold Coast Stadium, securing the Gold Coast as the AFL’s 17th club.

Ahhhhhhh.

Written by Dick

May 7, 2009 at 4:22 pm