Patti Chong is Dullsville’s own “celebrity” lawyer, an ostentatious F-lister whos public persona recalls an opinionated echidna.
Patti is a small-town media creature, more famous for her “flamboyant” dress sense and party-going than for her legal practice, “Patti Chong Lawyer”. Presumably, her practice relies on defending victims of the fashion police:
As someone who can’t help but wax lyrical to a semi-indulgent Perth press, Patti’s fatal flaw is that when she does so, she comes out with the dumbest shit. Here’s Patti on the separation with her husband, prosecution-reptile and Andrew Mallard victimiser Ken Bates:
The separation hasn’t been easy. It’s been worse than a death in the family.
Wo-oh! But that ain’t nothing compared to her view of the Mallard debacle, in which senior public prosecutors, including her ex-hubby, and police collaborated to send an innocent man to jail for 11 years:
What Andrew Mallard went through was bad enough, but what Ken and my family went through is bad, too…
I still stand by him. What the CCC has done to Ken is a travesty of justice of profound consequences…
If there have been any mistakes, it was purely human error. It’s just like a surgeon who accidentally may cut an artery instead of a small vein.
Zing! I’m no doctor, but cutting an artery instead of a small vein?! That’s some Dr Nick Riveria shit, ain’t it?
And I thought Patti was a litigator – wouldn’t an error of those proportions be a medical negligence gold mine?
(In the meantime, Ken Bates still has his taxpayer funded job (salary: almost $300k) despite the 11 years of shower-rape Mallard will never get back, the CCC finding that Bates engaged in misconduct (two counts) and the CCC statement that there were grounds for his sacking. Travesty of justice of profound consequences, anyone?)
Which brings me to Patti’s blog at WA Today, The Verdict. In Patti’s latest instalment, she manages to leech even more play from the twin babies death non-story (read Zhu’s excellent piece on the story here). The title of this post has got to win the Logie for most inappropriate use of an exclamation point:
Hush baby, please don’t cry!
Even though the title was probably imposed by an overzealous editor, it accurately foreshadows the petty non-insights that follow:
The heartbreaking news of the deaths of twin seven-month-old babies in a Perth suburb this week found with their unconscious mother, in an apparent overdose, has shocked the psyche of right-thinking people.
How horribly Orwellian a phrase is “right-thinking”? The premise: If your “psyche” wasn’t shocked by the deaths, you are wrong-thinking. Call the Thought Police.
Patti goes on:
The mother remains in a critical condition and the cause of the twins’ deaths no doubt will be revealed in an autopsy.
Um, no Patti. The result of the autopsy went public (including on WA Today) the day before your post. It was inconclusive.
Patti then spends a few long paragraphs sharing her opinions on motherhood, mental health and post-natal depression (because lawyers are experts on this stuff?) before ending the post like this:
In the meantime, women with post-natal depression suffer in silence, sometimes with tragic consequences. They sing their lullabies ‘hush, baby please don’t cry, mummy is just going to put you to sleep peacefully.’
Because chronically depressed mothers always sing twisted perversions of lullabies before murdering their offspring?