The Dullsvillain

Slinging mud at the media of Dullsville (aka Perth, Western Australia)

Wacko Sunday

with 5 comments

Another Sunday, another wacky edition of Perth’s favourite tabloid, The Sunday Times. Actually, today’s ST claims “SPECIAL EDITION” status. Special =

  • big pic of Jacko on the cover (der);
  • 10 page tribute to Jacko inside;
  • giant colour poster of Jacko.

(?)

Jacko was FAMOUS. People are sad about his death, and this story is just going old-school bananas:

WAcko Today

On the counter at JB Hi-Fi Osborne Park yesterday was a lonely Jacko CD with a handwritten note, “Last MJ CD in store”.  I mean, come on. He made some danceable music, he was not found guilty of molesting a child. He was an androgynous freak. That is literally the whole story about Jacko.  You’re welcome.

The most cramazing Jacko story was on PerthNow today, though:

Bear witness

Riiiight. Read the story and you learn that witnessing a death = being on a hokey bus tour of Hollywood mansions and seeing an ambulance surrounded by paparazzi(?). Oh, and on top of ALL THAT, the Perth woman/witness also bumped into Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie that same morning in her hotel. They’d probably just finished fucking! I’m surprised the title wasn’t:

Perth woman witnesses Michael Jackson’s death, and also witnesses Brangelina fuck

The Sunday Times other cover story today was a ripper too:

PSYCHIC USED IN RAYNEY CASE

Jesus Christ Psychicballs. ST dedicates a two-page spread to this exclusive, which is mostly a flog for a new book by “prominent psychic and spirit medium” Debbie Malone:

malone the phoney

Would you trust this square-headed freak?

The cops refused to confirm whether Malone was used in the Rayney case, only saying:

WA Police does not use psychics or seek their services. However, if any person contacts police with what they believe is important information about a crime we will consider what they have to provide.

If ANY person contacts police with what THEY believe is important information. Presumably, if Perth’s crazy Waltzing Matilda lady contacted police claiming that the Flying Spaghetti Monster revealed to her with His noodly appendages that Rayney’s death was connected to the chruch of the Invisible Pink Unicorn, police would “consider what [she has] to provide”.

witness

These are the same cops that demand lucrative pay rises for failing to fight crime while the rest of us struggle to keep our jobs at all. And also TASERS. We give handheld electric-chair guns to people who take professional advice from lying phonies. WHAT THE FUCK?

[Update: The cops have now admitted that a “junior detective” contacted Malone. Paint me invisible pink.]

Get this:

Malone told The Sunday Times police gave her Mrs Rayney’s diary as an “energy source” so she could perform a technique known as psychometry, where people communicate with the dead and see past, present and future events.

“I didn’t read it or anything. I just held the outside of the item for the energy,” Malone said.

“I was asked would I be able to see what I could see. She was very sad about (her daughters).

“She was a great mum. That’s what I could see. That’s what came through under hypnosis — that (she) just loved her girls and that they need to know the truth.”

(!)

I guess The Sunday Times and the WA police didn’t get the memo about the Enlightenment. FYI, The Sunday Times and the WA police, psychometry is not “where people communicate with the dead and see past, present and future events.” Pyschometry is some made up shit with a quasi-scientific name. You, as journalists and detectives trained in scepticism and the logical deduction of cold, hard facts, should know this better than most. EPIC FAIL.

"The killer is medium-height, Indian, and dweeby-lookin"

"He's short, brown, and dweeby-lookin"

The article contains no word on whether Malone will be called as a defence witness in Lloyd Rayney’s defamation action against the cops. That would make for hilarious farce, though:

Your honour, you see, what we said about Lloyd being our prime and only suspect was true because a psychic soaked up the energy from Ms Rayney’s diary and performed pyschometry on that energy and then Ms Rayney’s spirit talked to the psychic in her thoughts and told her that she was sad about her daughters because she was dead.

I rest my case.

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Written by Dick

June 28, 2009 at 10:59 pm

5 Responses

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  1. I spotted one even better than “the last MJ CD in store” – the people selling pirate DVD’s around the streets of La Paz already have an “MJ 1958-2009 Tribute DVD” complete with crudely photoshopped compilation of MJ pics for a cover.

    Not to mention I haven’t heard a single non-jackson song in the last 3 days… Unfortunately its not just the Australian media that is going spastic.

    Bolivillain

    June 29, 2009 at 8:34 am

  2. Leave poor Deb Malone alone (ooh, that rhymes). I mean, she’s solved so many murders, as have all her mystical colleagues. She helped solve lots and lots of crimes on that Sensing Murder TV show. Every week a different case solved after years of police work failing to go anywhere.

    In fact, the psykicks solve so many crimes I don’t know why there are still so many people listed as “missing” in Australia – it must be a mistake – or why we still train police in detective work when it’s clearly a waste of time and money.

    And they all do it for free and I expect they will continue to do so for as long as the media return the favour by giving them free publicity for books and tours.

    Okay, so last year’s “psychic taskforce” extravaganza – the one which featured Malone et al and that upset Sarah Spiers’ Dad but was worth it because it was so productive and why should we care about his feelings anyway? – sold out two shows at $135 a head and that’s not really “free” by the usual standard but they didn’t charge the police for all the detailed information they gave them (name and address of the killer apparently) that still hasn’t lead to an arrest. And the police, in return, didn’t charge them with impeding an investigation so they must have been really, really helpful and I’m sure the police are just waiting for an appropriate time to pick the guy up and throw the book at him. Maybe they should lock him in haunted house, that would teach him.

    Anyway, Malone’s doing “good work”, so leave her alone. Lot’s of people think she’s psychic, therefore she is.

    But seriously, why won’t the police come out and dismiss this nonsense outright? Is it a case of using any publicity for the case, regardless of how ridiculous? I look forward to seeing the court case – as portrayed by you.

    Andy

    June 29, 2009 at 10:13 am

  3. Spot on, Andy. Something about the way the public swallows this trash makes me “sense murder” big time. Don’t think I’m psychic, though.

    Dick

    June 30, 2009 at 9:57 pm

  4. To make matters worse, it turns out a “junior detective” actually did give the diary to Malone.

    They should just read their own horoscope each day and if it doesn’t say “today you will solve a crime” they shouldn’t bother going to work. I mean, it’s all true and real and everything.

    Andy

    July 1, 2009 at 9:36 am

  5. […] Last time that I couldn’t avoid writing about Jacko I said that the “full story” amounted to him being a big weirdo who made some music and had a trial and died. But I remember now a great passage from Michel Houellebecq’s 2001 novel, Platform (warning: shit is about to get off-topic and heavy): All humanity instinctively tends toward miscegenation, a generalized, undifferentiated state, and it does so first and foremost through the elementary means of sexuality. The only person, however, to have pushed the process to its logical conclusion is Michael Jackson, who is neither black nor white anymore, neither young nor old, and, in a sense, neither man nor woman. […]


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