Another Sunday, another wacky edition of Perth’s favourite tabloid, The Sunday Times. Actually, today’s ST claims “SPECIAL EDITION” status. Special =
- big pic of Jacko on the cover (der);
- 10 page tribute to Jacko inside;
- giant colour poster of Jacko.
Jacko was FAMOUS. People are sad about his death, and this story is just going old-school bananas:
On the counter at JB Hi-Fi Osborne Park yesterday was a lonely Jacko CD with a handwritten note, “Last MJ CD in store”. I mean, come on. He made some danceable music, he was not found guilty of molesting a child. He was an androgynous freak. That is literally the whole story about Jacko. You’re welcome.
The most cramazing Jacko story was on PerthNow today, though:
Riiiight. Read the story and you learn that witnessing a death = being on a hokey bus tour of Hollywood mansions and seeing an ambulance surrounded by paparazzi(?). Oh, and on top of ALL THAT, the Perth woman/witness also bumped into Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie that same morning in her hotel. They’d probably just finished fucking! I’m surprised the title wasn’t:
Perth woman witnesses Michael Jackson’s death, and also witnesses Brangelina fuck
The Sunday Times other cover story today was a ripper too:
PSYCHIC USED IN RAYNEY CASE
Jesus Christ Psychicballs. ST dedicates a two-page spread to this exclusive, which is mostly a flog for a new book by “prominent psychic and spirit medium” Debbie Malone:
The cops refused to confirm whether Malone was used in the Rayney case, only saying:
WA Police does not use psychics or seek their services. However, if any person contacts police with what they believe is important information about a crime we will consider what they have to provide.
If ANY person contacts police with what THEY believe is important information. Presumably, if Perth’s crazy Waltzing Matilda lady contacted police claiming that the Flying Spaghetti Monster revealed to her with His noodly appendages that Rayney’s death was connected to the chruch of the Invisible Pink Unicorn, police would “consider what [she has] to provide”.
These are the same cops that demand lucrative pay rises for failing to fight crime while the rest of us struggle to keep our jobs at all. And also TASERS. We give handheld electric-chair guns to people who take professional advice from lying phonies. WHAT THE FUCK?
[Update: The cops have now admitted that a “junior detective” contacted Malone. Paint me invisible pink.]
Malone told The Sunday Times police gave her Mrs Rayney’s diary as an “energy source” so she could perform a technique known as psychometry, where people communicate with the dead and see past, present and future events.
“I didn’t read it or anything. I just held the outside of the item for the energy,” Malone said.
“I was asked would I be able to see what I could see. She was very sad about (her daughters).
“She was a great mum. That’s what I could see. That’s what came through under hypnosis — that (she) just loved her girls and that they need to know the truth.”
I guess The Sunday Times and the WA police didn’t get the memo about the Enlightenment. FYI, The Sunday Times and the WA police, psychometry is not “where people communicate with the dead and see past, present and future events.” Pyschometry is some made up shit with a quasi-scientific name. You, as journalists and detectives trained in scepticism and the logical deduction of cold, hard facts, should know this better than most. EPIC FAIL.
The article contains no word on whether Malone will be called as a defence witness in Lloyd Rayney’s defamation action against the cops. That would make for hilarious farce, though:
Your honour, you see, what we said about Lloyd being our prime and only suspect was true because a psychic soaked up the energy from Ms Rayney’s diary and performed pyschometry on that energy and then Ms Rayney’s spirit talked to the psychic in her thoughts and told her that she was sad about her daughters because she was dead.
I rest my case.