PerthNow is in fine form this Thursday.
So are women victims of a misogynistic, patriarchal society? Are they forced to live by cruel and unfair double standards? Maybe, but I don’t think that’s the real issue. I just think men are “sluttier” than women and I have science on my side…
Put simply men are biologically more up for random action than women. Does anybody else find some solace in this?…
Enough theory, let’s put this into practice – it’s about four in the morning, parties dying, who’s left there? Heaps of dudes! Where do the girls go? I suppose they’re more sensible/less slutty and have already gone home and saved themselves the indignity of trawling for action at a dead sausage party.
Dead sausage party? Didn’t yucky meat analogies go out with Sheik al-Hilaly’s controversial 2006 sermon?:
If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the backyard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it … whose fault is it, the cats’ or the uncovered meat? The uncovered meat is the problem. If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred.
The moral is cover your women or slutty MAN-CATS will biologically trawl for random dead sausage action. How’s that for science, Boy Blogga?
Speaking of science, next up on PerthNow, Narelle Towie, science and environment reporter, brings us this gem: “Giant Feral Pig Caught in WA?” accompanied by a horrifying picture of the animal that will one day enslave us all:
This picture is, according to Narelle, “floating around the internet”. You know, jus’ floatin’ around. That’s how the internet works, right? Science and environment?
Wait a minute. No, not science and environment. Internet hoax. But you’ve got to read six paragraphs of garbage journalism before Narelle mentions that this is a proven hoax. “So what?”, say the editors of PerthNow. The third paragraph, which is in bold, says:
Do you know the person in this photo? Or do you know where the pig was trapped or shot?
Wait, what? There’s already a fucking investigative article on this. This pic started “floating around” email inboxes in 2007. Where’s the story here, PerthNow?
Brain explodingly, there’s probably an even bigger non-story on PerthNow today. See Maxine Browntown’s “WA couples in love with sex in the great outdoors”, which is accompanied by the Best. Picture. Ever.:
Lol @ that picture. I don’t think any other photo-caption combo could capture Dullsville so perfectly. Perth’s saucy secret is we have three lights, a building and a bridge?
No, apparently it’s that Perth people love having sex outdoors. Again with the SCIENCE (always with the science) the basis on which PerthNow draws this conclusion is… comments from PerthNow commenters.
You can only imagine the ejaculation of grossness that ensues in a story like this, a compendium of creepy myfirsttime.comesque confessions. From sex in a retirement home, to Adventure World, to under the freaking causeway. Blah blah blah.
To quote the author:
Wow, it’s exhausting just writing about it.